Morning is my favorite time here at the house in San Rafael Abajo. I never sleep in because I don't want to miss it. I sit on the porch, sip coffee, and just enjoy the view. It's fun to watch the mass of people wind their way down the hill to San Jose during the week. Today, Sunday, it's peaceful. There is little traffic since most folks are in church or relaxing with family on their day of rest. Even the wind is taking a break today, offering a gentle breeze compared to the gusts we've had lately. The Sun, too, is taking it easy, hiding behind clouds. Today I decide to sit in the back yard, amongst the sweet lemon trees. Here the city is hidden from my view, and I am in my own private paradise.

The mornings here are magical, but they are also dangerous. It is during this time, before I am occupied with the day's tasks, that my mind drifts. I get lost in thought. I dream of all of the things I want to see and do in Costa Rica. And then I realize that each of those things means more time here, away from my family and friends back home. I miss them. Family is so crucial to life here. Marta's family visits her often, if not daily. I may not understand their words, but their affection towards each other is clear.

And so, during these times when I am wallowing in my thoughts and memories, I feel guilty for leaving my family. I had been away from them for 7 years while I was in Ohio. I was only back for a month before I left them again. We were really just getting reacquainted. They were getting used to having me around. I was becoming a part of their lives, instead of just a visitor. And then I took off. I wish they could be here. I wish I could have this experience while still feeling like part of my family. If I stick with my plan, if I stay here for at least a year, then I will be a stranger to them all over again. I begin to wonder if I should shorten my trip. The peaceful morning seems to be growing darker, gloomy, and melancholy instead of calm. I do have a return ticket I could use. I linger on this thought.

But then my coffee cup is empty, and I hear a bustle of activity in the house. It's time to get out of my head and get the day started. I have much to do here.

Labels: costa rica